Dear Alma, My teacher humiliates me

Dear Alma,

My teacher made a public display of me in studio class today and I froze with nervousness. He was not happy with my intonation, and and instead of phrasing it in a constructive manner, he said, “You played it in tune before why are you so out of tune today? Did you practice?” I don’t know how to respond to leading questions like that in lessons and especially in front of colleagues.

Please help!

Traumatized Musician

Dear Traumatized Musician,

We have all been there – most likely both as the recipient of unwanted advice in public, and as a witness of a teacher being harsh to a student. You may have just gotten the short end of the stick and have an overly critical or insensitive teacher. Have you noticed similar behavior towards other students, or do you feel as if this is directed only at you?

The bare truth of the matter is that classical music is a harsh environment. It’s very competitive, can be incredibly stressful, takes an inordinate amount of time and energy, and compares people in public. It’s almost impossible to not take criticism personally, but we have to do everything we can to take a step back, a deep breath.

Traumatized Musician – I have an uncomfortable question for you. Do you agree with the teacher’s assessment? If so, listen to the teacher, and ask them for help to find a way to correct the flaw. No matter how annoyed you are at these comments, listen to the criticism in a calm way and then brainstorm a way to fix the problem.

Stay positive. You are there to learn and to train yourself for a career. In this particular case, your learning may not be about your instrument, but rather how to navigate situations and persist and stay strong when you are feeling insulted or belittled.

Criticism is not about trying to make you feel bad. This teacher might have been asking a straight-forward question. Examine that question. What about your practicing didn’t work under pressure? How can you stay solid under pressure? It is the type of practice, the amount, or the the at your body reacts to stress that you can investigate? Do you need to perform more often to be able to control your technique?

Ask your teacher for advice. Work hard. Work differently. Take this moment as an opportunity. It’s not a door closed in your face, but a chance to open a new door and find a new path.

Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com

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