From our agony aunt:
Dear Alma,
My new violin professor likes to call and text more than email to the point where he will expect me to answer if he decides to call on the weekend. I don’t even know how he got my phone number – I didn’t give it to him. I would definitely prefer communication via school email and not have the expectation that I answer immediately especially on weekends. Do you have any suggestions for how to communicate this? I don’t think he will be happy to know that I prefer not to receive this many calls.
Feeling Pressure
Dear Feeling Pressure,
Reading this gives me pause. On paper, it has the odor of grooming – a powerful person building a personal, special relationship which they hope will lead to any number of potential harmful behaviors. Some signs of grooming are creating confusion over the lines of your relationship, and crafting a unique and close feeling above and beyond a typical student/teacher relationship.
Let’s hope this is not the case, but rather just an energetic and involved teacher. I am glad you wrote in, and not a moment too late.
How about just being super straight forward. Something like (sent from your school email):
Dear Professor ****,
I am enjoying the year, and appreciate your guidance and support. I have a small favor to ask. I would prefer to keep our correspondence through the school email (rather than via text or phone). I am personally not very comfortable on the phone, and texting can be stressful as well. My weekends and evenings are my time to reboot and refocus, and I try to keep them as empty of extra school obligations as realistically possible. Thank you for considering this and I look forward to seeing you next week at our lesson.
Feeling Pressure, I would keep track of the correspondence and make an appointment with your Dean to let them know about your concerns. Hopefully this email will take care of it, but best to have a first foot forward with potentially dicey situations like this.
Keep your wits about you – being a student isn’t easy, and it’s a great time to start to stand up for yourself and learn ways of navigating unequal power dynamics. Think deeply about your next moves, protect yourself, and get the education you deserve from your institution.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
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