From our agony aunt’s mailbag:
Dear Alma,
I have an old friend who is on the substitute list for my orchestra. He comes in town a couple of times a year and I always put him up. It’s been going on for years and even though I like him a lot, it’s getting too crowded and complicated with my husband and kids. How can I nicely suggest he find another solution?
Three Days
Dear Three Days,
Be polite, firm, kind and direct. You would like to host them, but with kids and a husband, your space is now more crowded. Your guest bedroom is now being used by your son as a reptile breeding sanctuary. You love to hang out with him, and it would be great to see him for lunch or dinner when they are in town.
It can be very expensive to find housing for a week, but maybe the orchestra can help with suggestions, or they might pair your friend with a new host, such as a donor or board member.
Keeping it light and friendly is a must. Expectations and situations naturally change with time, and by being straightforward, your friendship can continue, which, I am sure, is a nice thing to have in your professional orchestra life. You can always offer to house him one more time or help him find another solution. Friends are golden, and become ever more important as we age. Hold on to him.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
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