Dear Alma
After an end-of-tour party, I wound up in bed with two violinists and a flute. Not as uncommon as you might think, and not wildly exciting, as far as I can remember. In the morning, I was the first to leave.
Went home, had a shower, took a morning-after pill. No probs. Come the weekend, with my boyfriend, I found I’d got venereal crabs. The b-f left.
So what now? Do I confront my orchestral colleagues to see who gave it to me? Threaten to tell their spouses? Raise the matter with HR as a general health-and safety issue for the M….. Philharmonic? Or just shave and shut up?
I really liked that boyfriend.
Alma, you’re a wise player in our field. Give me an option.
Itchy
Dear Itchy,
I hope by now you have visited your doctor, apologized to your boyfriend, and kindly and quietly let your partners know they should be tested. In some locations, you are legally obligated to share STD information with people you have been exposed to. But in any case, morally, I would urge you to please speak to your partners.
Pubic lice isn’t too tricky to treat. Just follow your doctor’s advice, and don’t forget to wash your bedding, towels and cloths in hot water, hot dryer if you have one.
My favorite part of your query is that you mention you were in bed with two violinists and a flute. Because a flute is made of metal and has no blood, the pubic lice will not be interested. You don’t need to call the flute to let them know.
However, I hope that you gave that lucky flute a good cleaning before returning it to its owner.
My biggest take-away? If you find yourself in a lackluster threesome, use a rubber and be the inspiration. At least the crabs will be worth it.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
The post Dear Alma, My orchestra has got the itch appeared first on Slippedisc.
