From our agony aunt:
Dear Alma,
I am having a house-warming party and invited a lot of colleagues from orchestra. I just found out that my standpartner is coming with my ex. Can I dis-invite him?
Sincerely,
Just don’t have the energy to deal with it
Dear JDHTETDWI,
It’s your party, and you can invite, or un-invite anyone you want. If your ex will make you uncomfortable, have a polite but sincere conversation with your stand-partner, explaining that you would feel awkward if your ex comes, and that it has nothing to do with your stand-partner. If you feel ok if they come without your ex, you can offer that as an alternative.
You need to prioritize your feelings over those of your ex or colleague. They are sure to understand, and if not, be sensitive to their discomfort or possible offense.
Life is messy. Work is messy. Especially when they intersect. It’s not like a regular job, where you have your own office or cubby where you can hang adorable pictures of your pet capybara or selfies on the top of the leaning tower of Pisa. Your office is an open space about the size of a mini-fridge, and that means that your feelings and experiences are much more communal than in a traditional job.
Protect your space, and you will have a healthier work and private life.
Questions for Alma? Please put them in the comments section or send to DearAlmaQuery@gmail.com
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